Ben Sheets Returns To The Brewers!

April 1, 2013-- Milwaukee, Wisconsin
As tweeted early this morning by Tom Hardicourt of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, the Milwaukee Brewers have resigned pitcher Ben Sheets to a one-year deal reportedly valued at nearly $3 million with club incentives based on strike outs, innings pitched, and time spent on the active roster (not on the disabled list).    Sheets retired from baseball after a brief comeback stint with the Atlanta Braves last year. 

"In my heart, I always thought I'd return to Milwaukee," stated Sheets on the phone from his home in Baton Rouge, "After all, I still get pay checks from them... why not go back and give Milwaukee one more go?"

Sheets will report to extended spring training in Chandler, Arizona after his groin heals.  Reportedly, Sheets tweaked his groin during Easter weekend when he reached for Cholula hot sauce to add to his jambalaya.  When asked about this recent injury, Sheets' chuckled, "You know, the Sheeter has to have the heater when it comes to his fastball or his jambalaya.  I have no regrets, without Cholula it's not true jambalaya."  Sheets later chided his son, Seaver for putting the Cholula in the back of the top pantry shelf, forcing Sheets to exert extra effort to get the hot sauce, thus tweaking his groin.  "At least I don't have to put that awful balm on it again," Sheets added, referring to the blister injury he suffered that required a special balm with an unpleasant odor from the 2006 season, "I'll take a tweaked groin any day over that mess."


If all goes well in Chandler, Sheets will then be assigned to AAA Nashville to get some work in.  Doug Melvin hopes Sheets will be ready for big league action come mid-May.  "We have all the faith in the world in our young pitchers, but we need leaders.  Mark (Attanasio) gave us wiggle room with the budget this year. Getting a guy with the repertoire of Ben Sheets at this price is a true steal.  With an all-star guy like Sheets you're getting a gem both on the field and in the clubhouse. Sheets is a master at working with the younger guys.  His arm is lively and he still has nasty stuff.  I expect him to fill in as a number three starter behind Yo and Lohse."

Melvin added, "Don't let Sheets' injury history fool you.  After being examined for his physical by Dr. William Rausch, I can assure you that Ben Sheets is in the best physical shape he's ever been, except of course, for the tweaked groin.  I agree with Ben, however, jambalaya is not true jambalaya without Cholula.  Even us Canadians know that."

Tom Myers, a representative from the Milwaukee Brewers Team Store told us in an early morning phone conversation that a rush shipment of Ben Sheets #15 player t-shirts has been ordered from Majestic, along with a new line of Ben Sheets bed sheets for both youth and adult beds, showcasing a life-size likeness of Sheets and #15.  "What better way to show your devotion as a fan to your favorite player than to have bed sheets with his likeness," Myers told us, "This item will surely outsell the Bernie Brewer garden gnomes." 

The Milwaukee Brewers hope to hold a press conference today at 9:00 a.m. announcing the resigning of Sheets.  "You couldn't ask for better on Opening Day," decreed Melvin.  "This is bigger than finding out that the Italian Sausage costume was found!"